All I want this Christmas is a fuzzy, wuzzy, cute, cuddly, melts in your mouth not in your hand baby panda bear. Today is the first day in a few weeks that I have been denied the all-wonderful, all knowing Pandacam from Animal Planet (which is far superior to The National Zoo one) The company I’m working for today apparently doesn’t believe in real player (but they do believe in a bowl of M&M’s on my desk, so thanks for that) and the need isn’t bad enough to make me download programs onto strange company’s computer, though, it’s early yet. This is bad news, I mean, I have no way of knowing what little Butterstick (no seriously, It’s Butterstick. Stop with your Chinese mumbo jumbo) is doing right now. Is he playing? Is he eating? Is he taking the cutest little panda dump that the world has ever seen? I hate being in the dark about this.
I’m pretty sure this addiction means I need a boyfriend. A girl should not only have a panda to love at this holiday season. And yes, I know that pandas are mean and kill people and if you took away the dark spots around their eyes they would look like oversized rodents but don’t hate on evolution. They have those black spots for a reason: it crosses the line from rodent to freakin’ adorableness. And I just found out that China gets to take Butterstick in two years and raise him with their family. That’s kidnapping and I won’t stand for it. Plus they now have 16 baby pandas in China. And that’s just in one zoo! I think the Chinese need to stop being greedy, because “that’s what Jesus would -freakin’- do.” Leave Butterstick here. Apparently he eats anything put in front of him and if that’s not a sign of a red-blooded American than I don’t know what one is.
Also, I really wanted the title of this blog to be “screw the hippopotamus” or something (ps- how hard is hippopotamus to spell? It took me three tries and to me it still looks wrong) in that vein, but it was too weird. No sexual references when dealing with huge amphibious (also impossible to spell) mammals, it’s just not okay.
All Butterstick news and other news to make you feel smart and connected can be found at Wonkette.
2 comments:
Yeah Izzy shout out!
I give you alternate means of baby panda stalking!! http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/GiantPandas/ The National Zoo's website uses Windows Media Player, available on every single Windows machine (thank you, Bill "Can we play another game of MONOPOLY" Gates). This is should end your tremors and shakes.
Only problem is that you are limited to 15 mintues before you have to reload.
I thought that we had Butterstick for 10 years! Chinese Indian Givers!!
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