And the moral of the story is...

*I posted this over on livejournal, but then realized its much more fun and less dreary than my last post, so it's going here too.

A moment can't be an actual moment unless some sort of learning happens. So as I sit surrounded by mounds and mounds of crap I apparently own, fending off the worst hangover ever (damn you tgi fridays), and refusing to be actually productive I give you some of the potential morals that came out of this summer:


Remember how fucking fabulous you are or no one else will.

Drinking tequila out of a water glass will probably cause you to make bad choices that'll make you feel really, really good.

Never believe the hype, particularly in regards to attractive guys, after parties, or $60 shirts.

A guy who thinks he dresses better, is probably a total fucking douche bag.

Wearing heels on cobblestones everyday does not make you a better person, infact, it makes you kind of stupid (Hello! They're cobblestones, why put your ankles through that?).

There is nothing wrong with hating someone for not being able to tell a story well.

There isn't anything wrong with getting up and walking out of the room in the middle of the never ending sucky story either.

Good friends take your keys, your cellphone and you out to lunch the day after they've put your drunk ass to bed.

Great friends don't make fun of you the next morning...after anything, except for maybe when you started throwing french fries.

The best friends don't judge even when you total deserve judgement.

Nice guys are probably actually only nice guys, like, 56% of the time. The rest of the time they're just as sucky as all the other ones who wear their suckiness on their sleeves.

A good night's sleep is probably better than whatever you're doing that keeps you up until 5:30 in the morning...probably...

Drunk text messaging is always a bad idea, even when it seems like a great idea.

Pinching people's butts to get their attention in the middle of a crowd works all the time.

Girls are funny, probably funnier than boys, its just that no one gives them a flippin' chance.

Wearing a captain's hat at a bar full of drunk, horny people will probably get you laid.

Being a girl in a bar full of drunk, horny people will probably get you laid.

Family can bond over anything, but hot doctors on TV are always the best bet.

A shot of Dr. McGillacudys (I'm not gonna pretend to know how to spell that) will never taste as good as you think it will. It will always taste like a shot of Aquafresh toothpaste....but you will do it anyway.

Wearing raggedy underwear when you go out increases the chances that someone will see them by about 40%.

Life is normally better after two or three Life is Goods.

Faraway friends are always the best for a little perspective.

There is nothing wrong with a redheaded slut. Or six for that matter.

An 'I hate penises' night every few months will do a girl some serious good.

If you throw a girl in a puddle, you will have to make out with her.