Eight times.

Guys. Sometimes I feel like a douche for doing this:

But I did it. Again. I wrote 50,000 words in a row and they are all kind of about the same thing.

Remember how I promised (all those years) to be super vigilant about writing every day, 1,667 words a day. It was going to a slow and steady trudge to the top.

Turns out that is not ever going to be the case. Or at least, it was not this year.

This year though. This year, I took NOTES. One night in early October I took a little nugget of an idea that I have had forever and I made it grow. I took a notebook and a pen and sat quietly late into the night writing down everything I could think about the idea. I answered questions that came to mind and  then just decided things that were not even questions that I had.

I told a few people about the idea. They all had questions. So I answered their questions as best as I could and the questions I could not answer I kept in my head until I could figure out an answer.

But even all that planning was nothing compared to actually writing the monster. This was the first time  I ever took on a world that was not identical to our own. It had all of its own rules and there was no one around to make up those rules except for me.

Sometimes I would forget that I was in charge and I would get frustrated by something I felt was restrictive. But then eventually i would remember that not only did I get to make the rules, but this was a first draft and I could change the rules mid story and no one was going to come after. Not the fiction police, not anyone.

This has been a weird year because I have been sans job all month. And, as I mentioned earlier in the month, it possibly made it harder to carve out the time to write. When you have nothing but time you always are able to put things off.

And lets be honest, this whole monthly thing has become, for me at least, how long can I put this off and procrastinate and still get things done.

Keep in mind everyone, with 10 days left in this party, I only had 6,000 words written. That is just over 10%. With 10 days left. I am a big fan of the last minute. Big fan.

Thanks go out to all the usual suspects with a big round of sound for

Boyfriend for being everything and anything that I could need. Except for that moment when he said the book was dumb.

The people I talked about this with and who were willing to ask questions instead of just saying, "that sounds dumb."

This one

for being the best moral support a girl can get.

Bring on the holidays. See you next year.

Thankful.

For cookies.

And sweet neighbors.

And for still getting to play pretend sometimes.

NaNoNards

While every year I talk about putting off writing longer and longer, this year I feel as though I am truly sinking. This might be the first year that I don't make it.

Here are a few excuses.

1- I am not working right now. I am keeping myself fairly busy with random things, but ultimately, my time should be purely dedicated to writing. Which isn't going to work. Writing is the thing I do to distract me from real work. When writing is the real work, I find myself distracting myself from my distraction. Food. Internet. Trips to the Caribbean.

2 - I gave myself a purpose. Unlike most years, this story had a plan. It had a "narrative arc" and its a good one too. But I didn't think too hard about how to make it work. So I am struggling with how to put the words down without just literally typing out all of my notes verbatim and then just crying.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end. I need to have 40,000 words by the 25th, or its all over. Which means at least 7,000 words a day. I need to remember that it isn't about a full story. It isn't about a complete and perfect story. Its about getting it done.

Pep talk over. Back to work.

Words.

Words.

Words.

WORDS.

I am struggling SO hard with all of my words today. I have this endless basket of them in my brain and today for some reason, the ones I want prove to be as impossible to find as the matching sock at the bottom of the clean laundry.

Its proving to be nearly impossible to write when I have no other responsibilities requiring my attention.

How stupid and selfish to have all this time to write and yet the inability to produce something of a quality equal to the gift of all this time.

So today.

I will.

make cookies.
write thank you letters.
go to yoga.
watch people attempt to be funny.
eat mac and cheese.
do laundry.

I will fill my day up with the hopes that the distraction will allow the words to sneak back in.

I will also try very hard not to get more frustrated than I already am. It's a long month. I have plenty of time.