Untitled no. 5

Today I am struggling with how unfair the world is, and how powerless I am against it.

It's a pretty silly thing to be mad about, due to the aforementioned powerless-ness, but that silliness doesn't make it any less real and hard.

I think when you're a child and you feel powerless, you just assume that the feeling is temporary. "When I get older," you think, "I'll fight all the bad guys."

So as an adult, to be just as weak in the face of big, unchangeable, terrible things, you feel as though, somehow, you got tricked. The world pulled a fast one on you. The confidence you had as a seven year-old is gone and its replaced by a grim anger...

And booze. And homemade bread. And Kugel. And hard conversations. And meaningless conversations full of unfunny jokes that make you laugh. And washing dishes even though you hate washing dishes.

Anyway. That's what I am thinking about today.

Also! I rode the 50 bus Southbound in the morning and then! when I was coming back North, I rode in the same seat on the same bus. Crazy, right? How often does that happen?

Bad Poetry, part who cares

Through the torrential downpours
both literal and figurative


My boyfriend brought me empenadas
in a pizza box
25% nutella
25% bacon date goat cheese


I ate grilled cheese and a sundae
the whole thing
from Margies. With Jill.
and we clinked spoons
and toasted taking control of our destiny

Through the bright flashes of lightening and loud blasts of thunder
both literal and figurative

I stumbled across people from my past
both near past
and far past
We hugged about new adventures
or just stared across the aisle of the Broadway bus

I yogaed four times in a row
feeling stronger even when feeling weak
and cheered on Aimee who made it to seven

Through the heavy, heavy hearts
both literal and figurative


I cuddled babies who needed it
as much as I did.

And worked with five awesome fourth graders
on their slam poems
and the difference between literal and figurative.

Trying to ketchup

Hello Blog.

I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been a busy girl. And I've been working on lots of new things and the world has been a little sad and when the world gets sad, I get sad. So. Anyway.

I'm back now... I promise. There's a new chapter starting in May. And with it comes the potential to set new routines in place. And one of those routines will be (I hope) finishing blogs. I have so many half-started blogs lined up, and I lose interest or decide they're not good enough or whatever and move on. So...lets try being better at finishing what we start.

Here is a pictorial representation of my life right now.

That is my fridge. Please note, there is one egg. Un œuf. in that egg carton. Also, please note the three types of butter, the single cans of a variety of caffeinated (and notcaffeinated beverages) and the itty-bitty amount of left over soup that sat for three days before I finally got around to eating it. And you might be like, "hey Rach, look at all that delicious yogurt!" and then I'd be like, "that is Boyfriend's work yogurt, and after binging on yogurt for six months I'm off yogurt until at least summer."

And here is the door of the fridge.

Yep. Approximately one bajillion types of mustard AND jam.

This is my life. All the condiments, nothing to put them on.

To new adventures.