Untitled no. 5

Today I am struggling with how unfair the world is, and how powerless I am against it.

It's a pretty silly thing to be mad about, due to the aforementioned powerless-ness, but that silliness doesn't make it any less real and hard.

I think when you're a child and you feel powerless, you just assume that the feeling is temporary. "When I get older," you think, "I'll fight all the bad guys."

So as an adult, to be just as weak in the face of big, unchangeable, terrible things, you feel as though, somehow, you got tricked. The world pulled a fast one on you. The confidence you had as a seven year-old is gone and its replaced by a grim anger...

And booze. And homemade bread. And Kugel. And hard conversations. And meaningless conversations full of unfunny jokes that make you laugh. And washing dishes even though you hate washing dishes.

Anyway. That's what I am thinking about today.

Also! I rode the 50 bus Southbound in the morning and then! when I was coming back North, I rode in the same seat on the same bus. Crazy, right? How often does that happen?