Today was a delight but at the end of the day I was left with a little bit of a feeling just under my ribs.
There is this strange middle ground of my life, of having a grown-up job (that is not quite actually a grown-up job due to its part-timeness and bottom-of-the-totem-poleness) and having this carefree, artistically satisfying life of creating amazing things with great people on a very, very limited basis.
Many would look at this and be all shutyourface. Its true that on the surface it looks like I am living the Hannah Montana, best of both worlds dream. And it feels like that most of the time too. I feel very lucky to have stumbled into a job that has a built-in day for skipping work and doing whatever my little artsy-fairy heart wants. I also feel very lucky that despite having extremely limited talents, I seem to have found people who will, on occasion, pay me to dance around, write words about things I don't understand, and hang out with awesome kids.
I love the whimsy of middle-of-the-week ice cream, and the consistency of 5:30 pm yoga class. It feels like I have it all. And yet the problem is, I'm almost 30 and instead I feel like I have a little bit of everything, but not all of anything. I wish I had a job that was more challenging, with a better title and a full-time schedule. I wish I could live an entire life off of Storytown gigs and selling words to other people.
I know it sounds really, really childish - but actually it comes from a place of wanting to be slightly more grown-up. I feel like maybe I am ready for all these big girl things and yet, not everyone else seems to think so just yet. It is for sure a grass-is-always-greener, #princess problem but that does not make it feel any less real.
Let's be honest - during the summer, there is nothing better than this wonderful life of business on days 1-4 and party and fun on day 5. During the winter it loses some of that charm. One of my for-forever goals is to find a way to feel as though the winter of 2014 is just as great as this summer - either with a full time job at the ready or enough other work being offered up that I forget to remember that I'm just a kid with some dreams.
There is this strange middle ground of my life, of having a grown-up job (that is not quite actually a grown-up job due to its part-timeness and bottom-of-the-totem-poleness) and having this carefree, artistically satisfying life of creating amazing things with great people on a very, very limited basis.
Many would look at this and be all shutyourface. Its true that on the surface it looks like I am living the Hannah Montana, best of both worlds dream. And it feels like that most of the time too. I feel very lucky to have stumbled into a job that has a built-in day for skipping work and doing whatever my little artsy-fairy heart wants. I also feel very lucky that despite having extremely limited talents, I seem to have found people who will, on occasion, pay me to dance around, write words about things I don't understand, and hang out with awesome kids.
I love the whimsy of middle-of-the-week ice cream, and the consistency of 5:30 pm yoga class. It feels like I have it all. And yet the problem is, I'm almost 30 and instead I feel like I have a little bit of everything, but not all of anything. I wish I had a job that was more challenging, with a better title and a full-time schedule. I wish I could live an entire life off of Storytown gigs and selling words to other people.
I know it sounds really, really childish - but actually it comes from a place of wanting to be slightly more grown-up. I feel like maybe I am ready for all these big girl things and yet, not everyone else seems to think so just yet. It is for sure a grass-is-always-greener, #princess problem but that does not make it feel any less real.
Let's be honest - during the summer, there is nothing better than this wonderful life of business on days 1-4 and party and fun on day 5. During the winter it loses some of that charm. One of my for-forever goals is to find a way to feel as though the winter of 2014 is just as great as this summer - either with a full time job at the ready or enough other work being offered up that I forget to remember that I'm just a kid with some dreams.
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